Rock Spring Congregational United Church of Christ (UCC)

A discussion of legal and personal dimensions of marriage equality and testimonies from couples affected by the current as well as past legal restrictions on marriage.

52 people gathered in the Carpenter Hall to examine the legal and personal dimensions of marriage equality. The program began with an exposition on the legal aspects given by Mina Ketchie, a lawyer. Pointing out that Virginia was the last state to recognize inter-racial marriage, Mina said that her clients’ greatest concern was protection of their families. The legislation in Virginia does not recognize partnership contracts or other legal documents, raising serious questions. Are medical documents specifying who can decide what deemed partnership contracts? What about the power or attorney, is that a contract? Mina said that it was difficult to give a clear answer because the wording in the legislation is vague. But certain things are clear. Same-gender couples do not enjoy full estate tax exemption granted to married couples, nor social security benefits. It is particularly tragic when children are affected. Mina mentioned a couple who registered under Vermont’s civil union legislation and then separated after moving out of Vermont. The non-birth mother was denied all visitation rights because the couple’s civil union status was not recognized.

Three couples gave testimonies of their experience. Peter Moll and Masami Kojima of Rock Spring were married by the church in South Africa in 1984 when the Mixed Marriage Act (forbidding marriage between people of different races) and the Immorality Act (forbidding sexual relationships between whites and members of other races) were still in effect. They were married by an Anglican priest who had refused to obtain the state marriage license as protest against apartheid. Masami stressed that marriage is as much a social institution as a legal one. Masami addressed the question asked by many—would it make sense for Rock Spring to perform marriage ceremonies for same-gender couples when it carries no legal force in Virginia—and replied that it was essential for the church to stand with those who cannot get married legally, because, in so doing, the church helps the married couple to be accepted by the wider community. Speaking of their own experience, Masami said that they were immediately recognized by their church community, colleagues, and friends as a married couple because of the action of this minister, even if the apartheid government did not.

Jamie Beckland and Michael Pope were married in Massachusetts in 2005. Jamie described how, before he realized that getting married was possible for him, he used to get upset when attending friends’ weddings because always in the back of his mind was the thought, “I can never have this.” The marriage ceremony was joyous and celebratory. They likened marriage to baptism; just as with baptism, all present are asked, “Do you as a community pledge your support to this couple?” Although some family members chose not to come to the wedding, there were surprises. Jamie’s grandparents from northern Wisconsin, devout Catholics, came at the advice of their priest. After the ceremony, the grandfather hugged Michael and said to Jamie, “I now understand why you wanted to do this.” Michael’s parents now say, “I wish your sisters could have the type of relationship you two have.”

Claire McCarthy and Rebecca Womeldorf of Rock Spring shared their experience as a couple raising two children. Claire spoke of the prejudice they encounter frequently. Their newly purchased home was vandalized—a hate crime on account of their being a lesbian couple. They need to be constantly vigilant so as not to invite hate speech and actions. This means deciding on vacation plans on the basis of whether the destination is “a safe place” rather than what the family enjoys doing, and not showing affection toward each other in public. Claire explained how painful it was to hear some people say that their relationship was “unnatural,” and “not in God’s plan.” She underscored that this forum was not about political correctness or strategy, but working to ensure that all gays and lesbians can participate in the full life of the church. Rebecca spoke of the most joyful day of her life when her two children were baptized at Rock Spring. This church did not view her family as being different. On that day, she felt God’s presence as never before. She urged us to consider what the church’s message to the world is, and said that her highest hope was that Rock Spring would speak out loudly and clearly on marriage equality with all the joy that we can muster.

RELATED INFORMATION & DOCUMENTS:

Timeline on Major United States Actions Related to Same-gender Couples

International Laws on Marriage/Relationship Recognition

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